okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
