just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
