I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
