my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
