Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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