oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
