You smell like stripper and shame
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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