Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
