He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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