She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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