DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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