Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
