So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
