And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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