Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
