I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize