i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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