wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
