What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
