I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
a search helicopter?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
