PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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