a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Found your dick twin last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
