That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
