swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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