im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
