I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you would pick up someone in the library
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
