I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
