Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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