im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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