I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
