Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
