I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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