If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think your dad took our porno
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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