I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
