Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
