Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't turn off my feet"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
