So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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