hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
