dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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