I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
