im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
