chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
