White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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