did you get engaged???
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
