I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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