I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
