are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
