i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
