there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
