dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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