We're like a lot better than the average bears
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
