DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
