We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
