What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
