I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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