I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
