I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I need a beard to bite.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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