i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
