You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
