Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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