I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
