Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
