Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like, not good at living.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
