i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
