How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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