There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
