I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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