He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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